i guess you all think i am just another person with every day issues right? well guess again. bullying shouldnt be a everyday issue. i shouldnt have to watch over my shoulder every time i turn around. i shouldnt have to put up with the names and the tourture. i shouldnt have to feel like i am a lesser being. i was beaten twice in 8th grade and guess what, i tried to kill myself freshman year. i was in counciling and stuff but i just got good at acting like i was okay. well guess what, i am not. i guess what my point is that nobody should have to go though what i have.
other than that i think i am doing good. i am newly single. i thought i had it all figured out but then out of nowhere he dumped me. i gave him everything. i just dont get why people can lie to you and leave you in the dirt then they can want you back. its beyond confusing. dare i say it but i love him. i dont even know what went wrong. everything was perfect. for one i had friends. i have never had friends since i moved to this little hum drum town. i lost it all cuz he decided to make a dumb choice.
i guess that i have never really felt seen, i hever had any ones attention. almost every guy i have eveer dated has cheated on me. i mean even my own mom hates me. i am a udder disapointmen to her. i just dont know why i cant do anything right. sometimes i look at my scars that i have on my arms and i actually think that i deserve them. i dont know why but i need everyones eyes just to feel seen. i am not the uglyiest poerson out there and i know i am pretty attractive but i never seem to think that anyone could ever only like me.
my latest problem..... boys...
i like this guy and he lives 45 min away from me. he is amazing and i really could fall for him. my ex who i still love wnats me back and i dont know what to do. my ex cheated on my with his ex who has cancer. who is to say that he wont do it again. the guy that dosnt live by me makes me feel like i am on top of the world. he actually cares about me and mty life. i bet that if he even knew half the tings i was saying here he would probly freak out. i really like him and i have told him. ever other day he tells me he likes me and the next its were just friends. i mean if you really like me tell me a nd stop making me wait because i wont wait forever. i just wish that somehow he could see this and see that i am really confused. i just dont know what to do. should i go back to my ex and see how things play out(hopefully for the better) or should i go for this new guy whho cant seem to make up his mind.......
i know this is alotto take in and all but i couold really use some advise right now
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