contemplation

maybe its up to me to change...

i have never been one to be stuck in my ways........ ohh wait yes i am. thsi is what causes fights between me and my mother. i try my hardest and well its not good enough for her. she thinks i should be like my older sister, perfect, smart, ,beautiful, and well, my total oposit. i try to get good grades and i try to do my best. i just cant be her. some days i wonder if she ever regrets me, i wasnt panned. i feel like a complete failure.

maybe its time to let go,
i had this boyfriend about 3 years back. i swore that he was the one, i swore that i would ever feel that way again. he was my everything. we broke up after 9 months and i was just crushed. i had moved and he had moved on. 3 months after i moved we got back together. he was my 1st kiss. i really really thought he was my one and only. we broke up after 3 months. we dated 7 more times (guess i never learned my lesson). he took me to my 1st homeocming dance and i was head over heels. he used me to look like a big shit in front of his friends. i was so upset. that mixed with the bulling i have been enduring i tried to kill myself. i took some pills and went to sleep. i just dont know why i did it, i mean no guy is worth killing yourself over. he never cared. i told him that i wanted to have sex with him and he told everyone. i mean that was personal. he had no right to tell people that, he told me way worse stuff than that and i never told a soul. i guess i shouldnt have read into the kisses and the times we madeout, i ment nothing to him so why did it bug me so much. i have stopped talking to him and well, i kinda miss him but i wont txt him, its about time i let him miss  me for once.

once again thanks for reading. :)